"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
