either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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