The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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