it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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