Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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