Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
