The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
