They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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