Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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