my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
