Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
