Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
