I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
