I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
