Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
