All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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