ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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