Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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