I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
