Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
