This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
