Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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