Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
