i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need a beard to bite.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
