Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
