Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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