i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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