Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
