i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
