Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
