Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize