my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
