take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
