Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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