Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A+ Viking dick
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
