Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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