why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
