Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize