Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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