i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
