porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
