Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
