I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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