It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize