I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
