i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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