areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
