Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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