Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
