the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
