Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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