I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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