dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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