Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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