my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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