Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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