Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize