we have pet lesbian snakes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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