Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
