Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
