And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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