can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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