I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
