I haven't been this sober since birth.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
