Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
