so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
