Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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