I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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