It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
