where am i from again
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
