So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
