Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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