Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
