i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
