i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
