He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize