can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
